Love Makes a Family

This post has been a long time coming.  John and I have been waiting for the right time to announce that we are in the process of adopting a baby.  We don't know when our family will be growing or by how many, but hopefully sometime in the next year or so we will get to bring a baby home through the adoption process.

I know for some people, this would be a hard decision, but for John and I, adoption just seemed like a natural next step for us.  For several reasons having another biological child just isn't a great option for us right now.  It's not completely off the table for the future, but right now, it just isn't a path we want to take.

Adoption has actually been on our hearts for a while now.  As I mentioned in my last post, we had gone through about 8 months of infertility treatments and procedures before we got pregnant with Rowan.  After we decided to stop treatments to relax and take a break for the holidays, we discussed multiple times what we wanted our next step to be.  At that time, we really started to think about adoption... and then, surprise we found out we were pregnant.  Then Rowan came early... and then he died.  We were once again back to square one, but without some of the options that we had before.

On our way home from Kansas City the morning after Rowan passed away, John and I both looked at each other and said that we wanted to adopt.  We've been thinking about it and praying about it since that day.  We know we could wait a little longer and try for another baby, but after having 35 days to be parents, we realized just how awesome it is and we're ready to bring another baby home as soon as we can.  So, at the end of July we finally took the plunge and officially started the process.  We decided that we want to adopt a newborn and we started gathering all of the necessary paperwork to begin the home study process.

As of today, we are waiting on a couple of logistical items and then our home study will be complete!  We have an appointment to meet with an adoption attorney in Topeka on Friday afternoon and I'm in the process of creating our adoption portfolio.  Once all of our paperwork is in order, then it will just be a waiting game.  We know that this process can sometimes take a long time and that it could still involve some heartache, but we truly believe in our hearts that this is the right step for us.  We contemplated when the right time would be to share that we are adopting, but a lot of adoption is just getting the word out there that we are looking to adopt.  Many adoptions happen because somebody knows somebody who knows somebody else that is looking to find adoptive parents for their child, so we decided now is the right time and that this blog is just one more avenue to get our names out there.  Our families have supported us on this decision from day one which we are so thankful for and as always, we appreciate your prayers and all of your well wishes.

Wave of Light

So, there's this club.  A club that 3 years ago, I was only vaguely aware of.  A club that nobody ever wants to join.  A club that John and I have now joined four times.  It's the club you join when your child dies.  Today, October 15, we recognize all the women and men, moms and dads, grandmas, grandpas, aunts, uncles and friends who have been affected by this club.  Today, we remember all the babies that are no longer with us.

As I sit here in a quiet house writing a post that I've been writing in my head all week, I can't help but think about if the events of the last 3 years would have turned out differently.  What if that first pregnancy, the one that we waited for for a year and a half, hadn't ended abruptly in July of 2013 at 12 weeks when we found out there was no longer a heartbeat?  Would I be chasing a 2.5 year old around the house instead of watching/listening to a Harry Potter movie that I've seen dozens of times?  

I don't know the answer to those questions or why we lost that first baby, and I never will.  But, I do know that if we hadn't had that first miscarriage, we wouldn't have been pregnant again that winter.  We wouldn't have spent 8 weeks worrying and wondering if we were going to meet the same fate.  We wouldn't have known how to deal with the heartbreak of another miscarriage which came at the end of February 2014 only a few weeks after our first baby would have been due.  Without those two miscarriages, we may never have known that I have a blood clotting disorder that can cause miscarriages and complicated pregnancies.  

If either of those pregnancies had been successful, we wouldn't be where we are today.  We wouldn't have gotten pregnant again and held our breaths through the first 13 weeks until we were finally "in the clear" for the first time.  We wouldn't have finally had the chance to get excited at the idea of bringing home a baby.  Third times a charm, right?  We wouldn't have sat in that ultrasound room and heard "There is something wrong with your baby's brain" and "In all my years as an OB, I've never seen a baby with this condition survive."  We wouldn't have spent the next 11 weeks not knowing when our last day with our baby girl would be.  We wouldn't have said hello and goodbye to our sweet girl, Hope, all at the same time. 

We lost Hope, but without that loss, we wouldn't have had our sweet boy, Rowan.  We wouldn't have gone through 8 months of infertility treatments and procedures.  We wouldn't have hopelessly decided to stop treatments and pursue other ways to add to our family.  And we wouldn't have fallen in love instantly when the test miraculously turned positive the following month. We wouldn't have been told that everything looked great with our baby boy.  We wouldn't have started making plans for a nursery because for the first time, we weren't worried that we were going to lose this one.  Our hearts wouldn't have dropped into our stomachs when we found out that we were going to meet this baby boy a whole lot earlier than planned.    Without all of our losses, we wouldn't have known how precious the tiny life that we had been given really was.  We may not have been truly grateful for every. single. moment that we got to spend with Rowan.  

I write all of this today, not for sympathy or personal attention, but to bring awareness to the fact that this stuff happens.  1 in 4 pregnancies in the United States end in loss.  1 in 4.  Yet, we still don't talk about it.  Why?  Largely because it makes people uncomfortable.  But really, talking about it makes those who have been through it feel like they aren't alone.  Losing 4 babies sucks.  It sucks big time, but hearing that I'm not alone and communicating with other women and families that have experienced the same loss has been so healing for me.  I've had friends of friends of friends reach out to me through social media and this blog that I would never have known if it weren't for our four angels.  We don't stop talking about people who pass away as adults or after having a chance to live their lives, so why do we stop talking about these tiny lives once they are over?  They aren't any less important.  They may never have breathed a breath of air in this world and they may never have gotten to come home from the hospital, but they still existed.  We need to speak their names and we need to remind their families that we remember them and we love them and we won't ever forget them.  

Do I wish that I wasn't in this unspoken club?  Absolutely.  If I could turn back time and change the way things happened, would I?  I don't think so.  These babies have changed our lives and they have changed it for the better.  We have a much stronger marriage because of all that we have been through.  We have leaned on one another and helped each other through what has truly been the worst 3 years of our lives.  But there have been rays of sunshine in the midst of all of the darkness.  We've joined a church and welcomed Christ back into our lives in ways that we maybe never would have if we hadn't driven a few blocks down the road to try and find answers and hope when we were at our lowest.  We wouldn't have met some of the greatest people who we are now lucky to call our friends.  We wouldn't have two amazing ministries at two different hospitals to help others who walk this road.  We wouldn't have realized that things can change in the blink of an eye and as cliche as it is, that tomorrow isn't guaranteed for any of us.  We wouldn't be who we are today without our babies.

So, please join me in lighting a candle at 7 p.m. this evening for all of the babies who are no longer with us.  Not only for the Pryor babies, but for Sam, Preston, Julian, Kaden, Griffin, Kennedy and so, so, so many more.   You will NEVER be forgotten.  <3